In Defense of Colloquial English
A couple nights ago at dinner, we all got into a big argument about whether or not it is acceptable to use words such as "like" in colloquial speaking. Apparently, it was one of the top five most hated words of 2010. I took the affirmative. I really do believe what I'm talking about, I'm serious. But people tend to roll their eyes, thinking I'm playing devil's advocate or just arguing for argument's sake. And every once in awhile, a few snooty smart-alecks (and this is said with love...) will remark that I should go blog about it. WELL HERE I AM, Y'ALL. BLOGGING ABOUT IT.
Because it is evidently a controversial word, I'll tackle "like" first. Like all the other words I'm discussing, it should never be used in formal papers and the like. It does, however, have a very specific and irreplaceable usage when used correctly while speaking.
It should NOT be used as filler. For example: "Yesterday, I like, went to, like, the store, and then like, I bought a like, latte, at like, Starbucks, like on the way home." It baffles me that people can bear to get up in the morning knowing they will say so many unnecessary words. As I've said before (I Love Swear Words), if words are to be used, they should be used intentionally. This usage is not specific and not irreplaceable. In in this disaster of a sentence, the word "like" could be replaced by "um" or "uh" or "mm" or " " and it would make no difference. "Yesterday, I, um, went to, um, the store, and then, um, I bought a, um, latte, at, um, Starbucks, um, on the way home." Same disgust. Same meaning.
What it can be used for, however, is to express hyperbole/uncertainty or to imitate a certain vocal pattern or sound. Let's say that all I know about last night's Algebra homework is that it took me significantly longer than usual. I don't know if it took me an hour, or two hours, or somewhere in between, but I'd like to express that it took me a very long time. In this instance, it is appropriate to say that "it took me like five hours." The word "like" indicates that I don't mean that it actually took me five hours, but that it took me a ludicrously long time. I can't simply eliminate the word: "It took me five hours" means something completely different. Now my teacher and peers will think the assignment took me 300 minutes to complete- or, more likely (hopefully!), that I am lying. I also cannot replace it with another word with similar meaning, such as "about": "It took me about five hours." Now the expression might include four and a half hours or five and a half hours, but the sentence remains inaccurate. The only way I can think up to communicate the concept accurately with 'real' words would be, "Hyperbolically speaking, it took me five hours." If you don't think this sounds absolutely ridiculous, I dare you to speak this way for a week. Good luck dealing with all the concerned stares you'll receive.
It seems to peeve people- old ones, in particular- when the word "like" is used in a similar context as the word "said," to preface a quotation. I agree that it is used too often and that much of the time it could be replaced by plain old "said." But there are some contexts where it is almost impossible to find a decent replacer. For example: "Elliot had just woken up and didn't know what exactly was going on. He sat up and was like, 'uh... woah... wait, what's going on...' " It's difficult to transfer this type of sentence to print because it's so dependent on vocal tone and pattern. Using "like" instead of "said" puts an emphasis on the way in which you are imitating him. It's inappropriate to use "like" in written language because the reader can't hear the tone/vocal pattern. If it were written, I might replace "like" with "grunted." But it would sound royally awkward to use the word "grunted" if you're going to imitate the way in which Elliot grunted, anyways. Besides the awkwardness, the word "grunted" isn't as accurate as your imitation would be. So spoiling the well, in some sense, with the word "grunted" detracts from the understanding the listener gains from paying attention to the quotation itself.
This is by far the most important of the hated colloquial words I could talk about, but I'll quickly cover a couple more.
Because it is evidently a controversial word, I'll tackle "like" first. Like all the other words I'm discussing, it should never be used in formal papers and the like. It does, however, have a very specific and irreplaceable usage when used correctly while speaking.
It should NOT be used as filler. For example: "Yesterday, I like, went to, like, the store, and then like, I bought a like, latte, at like, Starbucks, like on the way home." It baffles me that people can bear to get up in the morning knowing they will say so many unnecessary words. As I've said before (I Love Swear Words), if words are to be used, they should be used intentionally. This usage is not specific and not irreplaceable. In in this disaster of a sentence, the word "like" could be replaced by "um" or "uh" or "mm" or " " and it would make no difference. "Yesterday, I, um, went to, um, the store, and then, um, I bought a, um, latte, at, um, Starbucks, um, on the way home." Same disgust. Same meaning.
What it can be used for, however, is to express hyperbole/uncertainty or to imitate a certain vocal pattern or sound. Let's say that all I know about last night's Algebra homework is that it took me significantly longer than usual. I don't know if it took me an hour, or two hours, or somewhere in between, but I'd like to express that it took me a very long time. In this instance, it is appropriate to say that "it took me like five hours." The word "like" indicates that I don't mean that it actually took me five hours, but that it took me a ludicrously long time. I can't simply eliminate the word: "It took me five hours" means something completely different. Now my teacher and peers will think the assignment took me 300 minutes to complete- or, more likely (hopefully!), that I am lying. I also cannot replace it with another word with similar meaning, such as "about": "It took me about five hours." Now the expression might include four and a half hours or five and a half hours, but the sentence remains inaccurate. The only way I can think up to communicate the concept accurately with 'real' words would be, "Hyperbolically speaking, it took me five hours." If you don't think this sounds absolutely ridiculous, I dare you to speak this way for a week. Good luck dealing with all the concerned stares you'll receive.
It seems to peeve people- old ones, in particular- when the word "like" is used in a similar context as the word "said," to preface a quotation. I agree that it is used too often and that much of the time it could be replaced by plain old "said." But there are some contexts where it is almost impossible to find a decent replacer. For example: "Elliot had just woken up and didn't know what exactly was going on. He sat up and was like, 'uh... woah... wait, what's going on...' " It's difficult to transfer this type of sentence to print because it's so dependent on vocal tone and pattern. Using "like" instead of "said" puts an emphasis on the way in which you are imitating him. It's inappropriate to use "like" in written language because the reader can't hear the tone/vocal pattern. If it were written, I might replace "like" with "grunted." But it would sound royally awkward to use the word "grunted" if you're going to imitate the way in which Elliot grunted, anyways. Besides the awkwardness, the word "grunted" isn't as accurate as your imitation would be. So spoiling the well, in some sense, with the word "grunted" detracts from the understanding the listener gains from paying attention to the quotation itself.
This is by far the most important of the hated colloquial words I could talk about, but I'll quickly cover a couple more.
- "Just," as in, "I'm just calling to confirm my appointment," or "I'm just glad I passed the test." Once again, try taking it out, and it simply convey the same expression. "I'm calling to confirm my appointment" sounds much more assertive, and, rather counter-intuitively, indicates a disinterest in whatever else you might've been talking about. It's ruder, more abrupt, and less light-hearted. Leaving the "just" out can make the statement sound unkind or offensive much more easily. In the second sentence, "I'm glad I passed the test" doesn't convey a drastically different meaning, but it doesn't say nearly as much. "I'm just glad I passed the test" hints that there was a significant chance you wouldn't've, or that something very unpleasant would have happened if you hadn't. The modified sentence only means that you are happy: the addition of just one word can change the whole mood or meaning of the words you speak.
- "Anyways," as in, "...The store had closed by that point, and I had to go on a wild goose chase through the city to find what I needed. Anyways, when I got home, he had already started to cook dinner, and I was more thankful than you could imagine." The word "anyways" in this sentence suggests a large chunk of omitted information that would have continued spinning the mood you had been setting before. In fact, it succeeds in deepening the mood, while relieving your audience of the pain you endured while going on the wild goose chase through the city. If it were omitted, there would have been no indication of transition and the previous train of thought would have been dropped without conclusion. Once again, one small, seemingly-irrelevant word can make such a huge difference. No need to condemn it: it's only used incorrectly some of the time.
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